when it rains it pours

 When you have just been living your life... Being a mum, being a partner and then it all just blows up! Not entirely. Not in the immediacy of right now... but it feels like things have shifted. 

 

People keep coming into your life in ways that you crave. They have been reappearing in a constant stream. Telling me everything I want to hear. Pulling my heart in so many different direction. I feel like things can't go back to how they were. There have been too many beautiful situations placed in front of me for me to be able to stay where I am...

Let Me Paint The Picture

 It is 11pm on a Saturday night. I have just been to the footy with my family and we have decided to stop into Mc Donalds to get a late night snacky. While I stand and wait for my food to VERY SLOWLY make it's way to the counter. 

I see a familiar face come in the door. It is the face of the woman's who's husband I blogged about not too long ago. The one who disappeared of the face of the earth... So she walks towards me and says hi, I am thinking hmmmm this is out of the way for her. We see each other around so I didn't think anything of it. She then asks me if there is anything I want to tell her. I reply with no, and she asks me the question again. I am like maybe you need to ask your husband that question. She tells me she has heard his side of the story so wants to hear mine. I am like we slept together... she then starts ranting something at me about sisterhood etc. Then she asks for details. I tell her we fucked a few times and it was years ago. I did not go into the deets that we loved each other etc. I didn't think that would bode well for this already VERY awkward VERY public conversation. 

So she keeps going at me, sand my food arrives. I collect it and I tell her is she wants to keep having this conversation how about we move it out of the way of all the people who just wanna collect their Big Macs and gtfo of there. I walk past her kid and give an awkies half smile to which I am told to not smile at her lol So she continues to yell at me about fucking her husband and I'm like lady I was not the one who was married. I was a single human living my single human life. 

This woman then decided to point out to me that I had my own family... like I didn't know this. I was like no shit mate, I also don't cheat on my partner. She then went me about having an open relationship and "do you just get to fuck anyone you want?". I was like mate we have rules, we have trust and we have open communication so how about go yell at the person who cheated on you about all this. So I left to walk across the car park to the car with my partner waiting for me in it. She follows me out, as does her kid and she is ranting at me still about fucking her husband, LOUDLY! I am sure to try and create a stir with my partner. I tell him to wind the windows up, I get in the car as she is STILL following me and we leave... He has heard what she is on about. 

As we drive off he asks me what that was about, and I say you know exactly what that was about, and he does. Because I had told him about the situation. Because I am honest with him. Because this married man not that long ago tried to catch up and I asked if my partner was ok with this. He was not and advised me to "not shit where I eat".... what apt advice that was and how fitting the shit all went down in an establishment that sells food. 

Keen not to have a repeat of that situation haha

School Yard Crushes

I think everyone at some stage had a crush on at least one teacher while they were at school. Uni etc is a whole other ball game! In high school I had 3 separate crushes and all for very different reasons. There was a PE teacher, an English teacher and the other was a music teacher. I was lucky enough to be taught by all of them so I had extra time to get caught up in the lusty day dreams, while trying to learn. 

I lusted over these men for different reasons. The PE teacher had sparkling blue eyes, a smile that made me wet and legs that I couldn't take my eyes off. One day I remember him sitting on the table, feet on a seat and his legs were spread. That day is burned into my brain coz I swear I thought about it every day for the following 6 months. I also don't know how I didn't cum on the spot. I broke a finger while in his class and he was literally like "Jess you just want my attention". He wasn't wrong... but alas 20 years later I still have a bung knuckle lol fuck what I would have done to drop to my knees and suck that mans cock!

The music teacher was super cute. He was also so kind and caring.A man who cared and who made sure his students were nurtured and encouraged. I always found great comfort whenever I was with him. I guess my crush on him was a tad more subdued... the others were primal.

The English teacher... I think he is the person who sparked my desire for smart, witty, snarky and sarcastic men. He took no shit and was happy to give it to students as he got it. He was so intelligent and dry. I wanted him so fucking bad. He was also much older (also something that would become a theme in my life). He never took my shit and that really did it for me. I remember once writing a story for a competition and it had some pretty spicy bits and he had to proof read it for me... I wonder if he ever knew that I wanted him. In my perverted teenage brain I wanted him to reach the story and it be enough for him to throw me against a wall and fuck me there and then... Alas he was not a shit human so that never took place.

Just thrown away...

 A few years ago I fell in love with a married man... We had an affair for a good while. He made me laugh, he made me feel safe and he made me cum harder than anyone ever had. We were in love, but he made it clear he would never leave his family to be with me.

Since then I have started a relationship and had a child... we have remained friends because before we were together we were friends for a long long time. Our connect was built off the back of a strong and easy friendship. This week that all came crashing down. 

I am very honest with people about my relationship and how it works. I have made a commitment to someone, and he is aware of who I fuck and when I fuck them. He has the right to veto people and that decision is final. I will not deceive him and my relationship will always come first. 

The man mentioned above had been vetoed and I had told him this. Regardless of this he continued to try and I continued to tell him that nothing was going to happen. If people choose to cheat on their partners that is their choice, I have fucked many married men and do not pass judgement on that decision, but it is not one I will make. 

So this week again he tried and again he was told that no. He asked if he should stop messaging me and I said no. I enjoy having him in my life, he is a good man and a good friends. I did however tell him that if he is only messaging to try and get in my pants then it is in vain... I had not heard from him and discovered he had unfollowed/removed/unfriended me on every platform we were on. It stung but I guess there was the answer to what he thought of me. I thought he had loved me, but he just liked me to inflate his ego and stroke his cock.

What Do You Do

 When the very essence of your being is ripped away? I have been super quite for many months now, because I have been facing some long term and very brutal health stuff to do with all the bits that bring the most joy!

No fucking, no masturbating, just feeling lost and sexually frustrated! Everyone cross their everything that my trip to the specialist brings a Christmas Miracle and I can fuck my way into the new year like I used to!

Haunted by the ghost!

 On two separate occasions in the past few months I been ghosted so hard and fast it has left my head spinning... both times it has been with men who I have had incredibly intense and real connections with. 

We start chatting and things move FAST and they get DEEP then boom.... they're gone. No reason, no warning they're just gone and feel like a figment of my imagination. Both have returned and given bullshit excuses and the we're right back where we were because I am a sucker for intensity and the thrill of the chase. 

The latest ghosting happened this week. He vanished and when I tried to contact him his account had been deactivated. It has really thrown me, probably more than it should. I just want to know why. I want the truth. I hate being left wondering. 

Hotties

 Fuck me! I just had the hottest cam sex with a chick. I don't think I've ever actually cammed with another female before, but fuck me I couldn't stop . She was fucking incredible and could cum as often as me. Which is always impressive! 

I usually admire the ladies from a far coz it isn't often I find one I am into enough that I want to fuck her. Honestly the last one was a good 15 years ago... but this babe, well I want my face buried in her cunt and her fist deep inside me! 

May the horndog gods delivery that to me!