Fickleness

I always struggle with people who are happy to just be in a relationship with just anyone. I am someone who takes a long time to warm up but once I do, I love fiercely. I cannot fathom meeting someone and thinking yeah sure why not? If I am to invest my time and energy in loving somebody I want them to light a fire within me. To love and be loved in an honour and when I see people who throw their feeling around like confetti I find myself cringing inside. When I love you, you should feel special because I am careful about who gets a piece of my heart.

Recently I met a dude off tinder. Everything was going pretty ok but it was clear we wanted very different things. Within a couple of weeks it was clear he wanted to jump all in, which is fine but I had just started Uni and that's not how I roll. We discussed what we wanted etc and we fundamentally wanted different things from a relationship, he was touchy feeling (which I tolerated), I am not. He wanted to spend a lot of time together, I did not. He wanted me to be monogamous, and deal break I did not. This was fine, we'd been talking about things etc being all grown up and shit. Then boom! He's off dating and fucking other people within a couple of days. While I told him I didn't care if I saw other people because we weren't together and I meant this, it kind shows me that he didn't actually feel anything for me and is just willing to be in a relationship with anyone who is around. I am not someone who invests my time in just anyone and I must say it stung a little to be shown just how little me as a person meant. It was like oh look something new and shiny with a vagina to show me attention ciao Jess!

Lip service, it pisses me off. I guess that's what I'm getting at. I deserve to be loved with intense passion, uncontrollably. I don't want mediocre love from someone willing to give it to anyone and everyone.

PEACE AND LUST

SEXY JESS