Consent

The past couple of weeks I have been reading/listening to a lot of things around the concept of consent. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s been something I myself have been pondering quite a lot or if there is just a lot more chatter around this topic in general. One of the discussions I saw was around the idea of “romance” and that the notion of harassing and coercing someone into being with you is what is at the heart of being “romantic”. It was really interesting to me because as someone who uses the internet a lot to find people to engage in consensual I am often pestered by people even after I say I am not interested. I feel women in today’s society have all had someone who thinks they are hot shit chase them relentlessly with the word no meaning absolutely nothing to them. I acknowledge that dudes also experience this and it can often be hard for people because letting someone down or hurting their feelings can never be fun. So these people discussing romance spoke about how movies and society view relentless pursuits as flattering. That when you approach someone and tell them they are beautiful or handsome etc and they say no thank you that we are encouraged to just keep trying. That the person just doesn’t know what they’re missing and they just need to be given time to come around to the idea. It really made me take a step back and think about a lot of the movies that I like, that there is often someone being endlessly hounded until the person at the centre of all the attention magically realises they are so into the person they weren’t into for 95% of the movie. I am a strong advocate of consent taking place at all junctions in relationships. Not just when you are about to bump uglies. Consent is essential to make sure that all parties feel comfortable and that there is no subtle (cunning. Underhanded, inferred) or overt pressure for someone to agree to something they don’t. When I was younger I was far more likely to spend time with someone or engage in activities I didn’t want to just because I was worried about hurting people’s feelings. I remember vividly being with someone who I knew was very into anal sex, I had made it clear that I was not and that if we were to hook up that was off the table. Mid way through he started making his way into the back alley and I told him no. I told him this more than once and he continued to do what he was doing. I ended up not fighting him as I just wanted to get this over and done with and get off to my job interview which I’d made a pit stop before. This same man then cracked the shits when I said that I didn’t want to get breakfast as he saw this as me saying I didn’t want to hang out. He had not asked to hang out and I just responded with no because I was not hungry. This shows how integral open and clear communication is to fun, consensual sexy times.

PEACE AND LUST

SEXY JESS