I will never fuck a man who

• Has enormous amounts of pubic hair (I love pubic hair on a man but for fucksake men TRIM)
• Has a southern cross tattoo 
• Calls me 'sxc' (LEARN TO SPELL CUNTS!!! I assume if a man can't be fucked using a whole extra letter to spell a word correctly then he is going to be a lazy fucker in bed)
• makes any suggestion that the reason we fuck is for me to pleasure him (selfish doesn't get you laid!)
• gropes at me like I'm drowning in the ocean and he's trying to hold on for dear life