Vulnerability

It is not often that I will let myself be vulnerable, however from time to time I do let me guard down and try letting people in. I usually do so with the wrong people and end up getting my poor little heart trampled all over. The latest saga kinda being like that. It was a fizzer, it never really got off the ground. That didn't stop my mind and my heart getting carried away in the early stages and planning all kinds of lavish and far fetched things for the future. I guess I am thinking about it now because said dude is tonight on Facebook whinging about being single despite in the 2 months we tried to do whatever NEVER taking me on a date or anything even slightly fucking date related.

It is his birthday this week and next weekend our footy teams play each other. In the early stages I had thought it'd be fun to take a weekend away for his bday and go to the footy and do whatever couples do when they have romantic time together. I'd started planning it and the fucking cunt couldn't even manage to take me for a fucking coffee. Not even that, I was going to pay and he couldn't make time for me. TWICE fucking twice he saw me outside of work in that 2 months. Yep we work together so we get the beautiful awkward aftermath now. Last weekend I went out with another dude after the THIRD time he had disappeared off the face of the earth for a week with no contact. He then proceeded to call me evil and blah blah he was trying to work things out. This is a man who is in his 30's and has 3 kids. It took 8 fucking weeks and me chucking a hissy fit for him to even tell me about the kids. It was doomed from the start, I'm not entirely sure why I put in so much effort. My inner hopeless romantic I guess.

The last time I thought I might fall in love was a while ago and despite his not wanting a gf (and then getting one) I went back 3 times and got my heart smashed. I guess I'm a slow learner. So after my seconded failed attempt at love with a Michael, I think I'll avoid anyone with that name. Doesn't seem to be working out for me. This also led me to Facebook stalk the first Michael and get sad all over again.

Ok fear not the mopey post is now over. I just feel really fucking stupid for getting in so deep and he barely even had his toes wet. Not sure it will even make sense I just needed to vent so I didn't cry.