This tension is yours, and I'm not helping you anymore.

Today I watched Nanette by Hannah Gadsby an Australia comedian. This show has caused a stir in the comedy world which has filtered out into society with the show now being available to view on Netflix. I have put off watching the show coz I'v been a tad emotional the past couple of months and am not the biggest fan of the male species (collectively speaking) so didn't need to add any fuel to the fire. Today on my 3rd attempt I finally watched the show in it's entirety and I only have one word for it.... WOW! This amazing talented, fierce woman has endured so much in her life and she left it all out there on the stage for the world to see. She finally said FUCK YOU and stopped letting society dictate how she gets to tell her story. She made the conscious decision to not contort herself, to not hide the pain, the hurt and the wrong doings all in the name of a laugh. Everyone needs to watch this. Just search Hannah or Nanette on Netflix. It is an hour of your life you will be so glad you spent listening to an phenomenal woman.
I often feel a bit like that with this blog. I have in the past written about some of the not so awesome parts of my life, specifically my sex life. I often feel the need to change a story or leave part out to make it sexy, to make it appealing to the men who read this because, well in most instances reality doesn't sell. I am here to be a purely sexual object who acts in a manner which is pleasing to the masses. I could write for hours about the entitlement of men. How society deems men's needs to be at forefront of everything and that this has trickled down to the every day lives of majority of dudes. This constantly shown by the vile hatred that is thrown my way when I am not interested in a man. Hannah in her show speaks about being an "imperfect woman" as she is a lesbian and how this makes her a constant target for hate and violence. As a fat woman I also experience this. I have had death and rape threats. Because how dare I A FAT WOMAN reject a man. I should be grateful someone wants me, in a society where a woman's worth is measured on her looks and desirability I am at the bottom of the pile. In the view on most men I am worth what I am given and I absolutely have no fucking right to demand what I want. I assume by you reading this blog and following me on twitter etc you people are mostly outside of this cesspit of sexist cunts but if you feel this way and are reading this. I am here to tell you to fuck right off. I am a woman who deserves nothing but love and adulation. I am strong. I am intelligent. I am full of heart and I will fight for what I am worth!
Last week I was chatting to a dude from Tinder, it was clear he was a selfish twat and so I told him that I don't fuck selfish men so goodbye. He then send my a tirade of messages trying to get me to change my mind, like I should be happy he wants to fuck me at all. He stated and I quote "I don't feel I need to love getting a girl to cum". Ummm if you're going to fuck me yes you fucking well do! You would expect a woman to be adoring of your cock and pretend like you're the only man she ever wants to fuck so why would it be any different the other way around? I am constantly sent messages on adultmatchmaker from men outside my desired criteria, I have written a VERY specific profile and still men are so entitled that they believe I should just ignore all my own desires because theirs are more important! My favorite are the men are on websites specifically looking to be sugar daddies but try to convince you to fuck them for free. So confident they are in their superiority that they actively seek women who are looking to be compensated for sex and try to get a fucking discount. I am here to tell you people that if I am sucking your old wrinkly dick I expect there to be some cash involved. It has taken me years though to become this staunch in what I deserve. I have been swindled on more than one occasion, once I was just young a dumb. The second I was afraid. I was afraid because I was a woman who had agreed to meet this man and have sex with him. Even though while we were meeting for a drink prior he told he would not be able to pay me (though he afforded a hotel room to fuck me in). At that time I should have left, but I didn't. When we were in the room and he had shit chunks stuck to his hairy arsehole and couldn't even clean to fuck someone. At that time I should have left. I didn't, I didn't because I am a woman, I didn't because I had agreed to fuck this man and what would happen if I didn't. I was too afraid to stand tall and tell him that he was wasting my time. Instead I fucked him, I was not compensated for my time and I was left feeling fucking terrible about myself. Because all my life I have been taught that I owe it to a man, he bought me a few drinks after all. He did his part, now I am to smile and take it because that is how the world works. Well guess what world. Suck it! I am so done with that shit and being treated like my worth holds no virtue.
I have been raped more than once in my life. By more than one man. I have been raped by someone who was meant to be one of my best friends. That was when I was around 17. I was so drunk that I could not function. We were at a party at a mates place in the bush. I could barely stand let alone function, my ex boyfriend was there and I decided to drink away my sorrows. My friend fucked me, while I was unconscious and left me with my pants down in the garden bed like a worthless piece of nothing. Someone who was meant to love and care for me used for his satisfaction and left me.... He and I have not spoken since, that was over a decade ago. I called him out for it and he refused to take ownership of the fact he took complete advantage of me. I was disbelieved by the person I loved most in my life and one of my best friends continued to be friends with my rapist which constantly broke my heart. I have had men invite their mates into the room to join in fucking me without my consent (he was not a deadshit and didn't end up participating) and by men who thought it their right to continue to fuck me even after I had told them no repeatedly. My stories aren't unique and that is the part of this that makes me sad and fills me with rage. Women everywhere are being mistreated, hurt and often killed because men feel they can take what they please and leave a trail of fucking destruction in their wake. A couple of weeks ago a man killed his 2 children after custody battles were not going his way. My mother told me that it was just so sad what mental illness can do to someone. I was so angry! I am so fucking sick of people making excuses for toxic masculinity. This was man was not unwell, he hunted his prey. He planned his attack and executed it with meticulous skill. This was a man who had some hurt feelings and the inability to check his privilege. This man CHOSE to murder his own flesh and blood for revenge over proving himself to be a decent human who could be trusted around his offspring. He succeeded in proving himself, as piss weak excuse of a father and human being. I will no longer stand by and let people excuse bullshit behaviour based of power and coercion. If you exhibit these behaviours I will call you out on it.  
Now onto this... I was not going to write about what happened to me this week because it isn't sexy and I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of knowing you'd impacted on my life. However I know you will read this because despite your cries of humility and self deprecation you are an egotistical wanker. As some of you will know I had started seeing someone a couple of months ago. Those of you who know me well know that I may open my legs a decent amount but very rarely my heart. So anywho this ended as quickly as they began because of a few reasons. Anyway I had a bit of a change of heart and wanted to see if we could find a way to see if things could work. He was overseas with his ex so I just let what be play out.... On Friday I was delighted to read a message that he had decided to get back with his ex but that they were likely to have an open marriage so we could keep fucking. I have not been so angry in a VERY long time. The gall to hand out rejection but offer up your dick as a consolation prize! The worst men in the world are the ones who think they are different but are just the same if not worse than the rest of y'all! You do not have the right to use people as a bandaid for your bullshit problems and then try and get them to continue to fuck you because you want your cake and eat it to.
For a long while I have not allowed a man, or anyone for that matter to mistreat me. I hope more women can learn from this, learn that they are not alone and that they deserve better. I hope men learn from this and see that their action, however small can show your privilege and your sexist bullshit. You are not owed anything, not sex, not attention, not even a response. You are not special my fragile little man snowflake. I will no longer try to keep the peace to allow for my brand to grow. I will crush you. You have been warned.

Please I implore you watch Nanette, learn about yourself and help the world become a less shit place for women and others who don't fit the mold.

PEACE AND BEING A DECENT HUMAN

SEXY JESS